About Mistress Arella
Mistress Arella is a Czech pro and lifestyle Domme currently specializing in online arrangements. She studied International relations in Prague, later moved to London where she worked as a dominatrix for a few years. In 2010 she returned back to her home town but keeps traveling and looking for new slaves for her stable. We recently had the good fortune to be able to interview Mistress Arella recently about her philosophy and practices as a Domme.
Q: Most of our readers are fairly familiar with the role and dynamics of a FemDom, but reading your bio on your website, you specialize in financial domination. Could you give the readers some background and context as to what this consists of?
A: Findom just like femdom can mean many different things, depending on who you ask. There are men who basically need to pay an attractive woman for her time and attention because they are incapable of attracting classy ladies in the real life, whether the reason is their low self-confidence, timidity, lack of professional success or even some physical shortcoming (small penis is very typical but it can also be obesity for instance). Some even have certain family hang ups such as controlling parents and we are talking about grown up men here. Often it is more of these factors combined. I would say many men who have no relationships with women in the real life either tend to seek a regular sex worker or a dominatrix depending on whether they have submissive fantasies or not. Now these guys might be called “losers” as something is apparently not working in their life as it should. It could be a phase but it can also be who they are. I think we have all heard of 40 year old virgins. A submissive “loser” basically bribes a woman he´s attracted to into talking to him, maybe even doing a cam session with him or meeting him in person. He may offer to take her shopping or to hand her some cash at the ATM. Now, this is not always findom per se, it can also be seen as transaction: I give you this – you spend this much time with me in return. She does not have sex with him but she may humiliate him, which is perceived as highly erotic by these men.
I need to mention that some men just role-play being losers but in fact have normal lives and normal relationships. Male sexuality is sometimes complicated and they do have all kind of weird fantasies in their heads :).
Then there are other men, who may not have any issues unlike the so-called “losers” but simply like to please a woman, particularly one who happens to be physically attractive. You come across such types in the normal life too. When I was 20 and working in the office, a male colleague who was 35 years my senior was spoiling me with various treats on the daily basis. Sometimes he insisted to pay for my lunch, other times he surprised me with a snack or a small gift and once he even gave me some cash under a funny pretext. I didn´t dominate him but he served me that way because he was no doubt attracted to me and wanted to impress.
Into the same category I would put my submissives who like to send me cash or gifts but without really asking for anything specific in return. Sure, we exchange emails, maybe they even greet me on Skype here and there but they are not looking for service and they are not needy. I don´t humiliate these guys since it would not be working. I actually respect them for serving me in such a self-less way.
Third category is one that I derive most pleasure from and they are my personal slaves. They are also very hard to find which is why I only have one at the moment. We have a boyfriend – girlfriend relationship, but do not live together. A personal slave is supposed to be skilled, loyal, dilligent, obedient and willing to spoil his Mistress in any way possible (that includes regular tributes and gifts). The Mistress disciplines, trains and controls the slave and makes all decisions including financial ones such as what house, clothes or car the slave should buy, where they go on holidays or how much they spend on dinners. She has access to his bank accounts and had been given a credit card. As you can see, huge amount of trust must be present in such a relationship, just like in a vanilla relationship where the partners share bank accounts and other assets. I strongly warn the guys against playing such games with a stranger, let alone one who specializes in hard core financial domination that often borders with scam.
Fourth category would be a clone between a client and a personal slave. These guys do like their thing and expect to get it but they can be rather generous with gifts, tributes and may even give the domme certain, limited control over their lives.
Q: In your professional work as a Domina, can you give us some information about your philosophy, training modality and style, and about the relationship that you seek to guide with your submissives?
A: I have always been interested in having complex relationships with intelligent, ready to please submissive men because at the end of the day, it is the only viable, sustainable and fully satisfying dynamics you can have as a truly dominant female. Sure, clients can be fun, you get to meet new people but YOU serve them and their needs which is really against the whole idea of power exchange. I actually do very few real life sessions nowadays, instead I focus my energy on the distance arrangements and my personal slave. Frankly, if a guy is a dick on cam, it is annoying but at least he´s hundreds of miles aways. When a client is difficult or creepy in a real life session, it´s quite another story. I won´t mention the few nasty people I have come across but even some clients who are completely harmless can really freak you out when it´s just the two of you in the dungeon or a hotel room. Usually lack of social skills on the client´s side or his nervousness is what makes the domme uncomfortable. A pacing client who didn´t take a seat as instructed may really be just another bundle-of-nerves fellow but he might also be a psycho from her point of view. There IS some degree of emotional labour present in real life domination.
Q: I see you have published a book, “The Diary Of A Kinky Girl“. Can you give us a bit of information about the book and the creative process that evolved as you wrote it?
Diary Of A Kinky Girl
A: First of all, I was really lucky to have found a sponsor for this project since I decided to hire a professional ghost-writer. I wanted the book to be funny and clever and it seems James (the ghost-writer) delivered just that. The book exists in the electronic format only and can be bought on Amazon. I would love to publish “The Diary of a Kinky Girl 2” in the next couple of years provided I secure either financing or, better, a publisher by then.
Q: I have met many women in the adult entertainment industry that have expressed interest in becoming a professional Domina. Do you have any suggestions and advice on what they will want to consider before going down that path, and perhaps a little “roadmap” of how a woman can learn the proper technique and protocols to be a good Dom?
A: I know that many dommes start as apprentices in BDSM establishments. However, that wasn’t my case. I self-educated myself by reading relevant literature and also allowed the clients to mentor me before I started working as a pro. The first year and half I was really giving sessions as a girl next door, not as a Mistress. You would be surprised how much demand there is for amateurish bdsm services.
More About Mistress Arella….
http://elite-findom.com/
https://twitter.com/MistressArella
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